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How to Avoid the Trap of Emoting

This mistake can make your performance feel dishonest. Here’s how to avoid it.

7
minute read
Published on
January 27, 2025
Showing an emotion onstage isn’t enough to make your audience feel it.

Remembering the day your dog died in seventh grade can bring authentic emotions to the surface. Sadness, nostalgia, regret. Often, speakers and performers use personal experiences and memories to prepare for deeply emotional moments in the spotlight.

But using past trauma and emotional memories to provoke an emotional response onstage might not be a good idea. Not just because it can lead to “emotional hijacking” and hurt both your performance and mental health—but also because it usually doesn’t work. 

In fact, it might even make your performance feel corny. Overacted. Exaggerated. Inauthentic. Predictable. Or over the top.

Why? Because showing an emotion onstage isn’t enough to make your audience feel it. 

How to Increase Your Emotional Impact Onstage

Authentically connect with your audience on an emotional level using an advanced performance technique called Playing Actions. As mentioned in Part 1 of this article series, this technique refers to the specific choices you make to provoke a desired emotional response in your audience. 

When you change how your audience feels, you’ll be able to change what they think, and in turn, how they act—inspiring them to put your big idea or core message into action. But it all starts with making your audience feel. 

Playing Actions makes your speech more entertaining, more honest, and more effective. And it starts with just three simple steps: 

  1. Identify your baseline.  
  2. Decide what emotions you want to evoke. 
  3. Test which actions you’ll play to create the desired emotional response. 

Over the past decade, as we’ve taught speakers to provoke emotion using different timing patterns, staging choices, speech rhythms, and language, we’ve noticed that speakers often fall into the trap of emoting. 

When they do, their performance almost immediately starts to feel dishonest, exaggerated, and awkward… and self-centered. (It’s what I often refer to as “masturbatory”—you’re making yourself feel something instead of focusing on the audience’s experience. This approach can come across as self-absorbed and even self-indulgent.)

Fortunately, this mistake can be easily corrected if speakers understand the delicate balance between emotion and performance and shift their focus outward, not inward. 

What is emoting? 

Emoting is demonstrating an emotion with the goal of making someone feel that specific emotion. However, it frequently backfires, because it makes a performance feel fake or over the top. Simply put, it’s the classic case of bad acting. 

When Playing Actions, it’s important to differentiate between playing an action directed toward the audience to make them feel something, and falling into the trap of demonstrating that emotion yourself and hoping your audience will mirror your emotional state. 

If your goal as a speaker is to make your audience feel destroyed, that doesn’t mean you get up onstage and cry, moan, and bury your face in your hands. There are many ways you can make your audience feel destroyed without wailing and crying yourself. It’s ultimately not about what you’re feeling, it’s always about what you’re making the audience feel. 

What is emotional hijacking? 

Emotional hijacking is when the emotional, primitive area of your brain takes over the rational, thinking area. This limits your decision-making ability and allows your emotions to take over. 

This can happen to both professional and non-professional actors while performing emotionally charged scenes. In her research paper about generating emotions for acting performance, Angela Baker mentions that emotional hijacking is more likely to happen when performers choose to relive negative emotional experiences to provoke those emotions for a given scene. 

A similar type of emotional hijacking can happen to speakers. Speaking about subjects you’re deeply passionate about or sharing intense personal experiences could stir up powerful emotions for you onstage. If telling a story makes you cry, it’s not a problem—as long as you keep fighting through the emotion for the sake of your audience. However, if you become so emotional that it affects the delivery of your speech, it might be time to reconsider your approach. 

Ultimately, your emotional experience cannot take precedence over the people you are there to serve. Think: audience first. Always. Focus on making your audience feel specific emotions, rather than indulging in your own.

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Don't
let your emotions get in the way of delivering a powerful message that makes your audience feel, think, and act differently.
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use Playing Actions to craft specific emotional experiences—and practice it during your rehearsal sessions.
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To increase your emotional impact onstage, it’s essential you avoid these two common mistakes—emoting and emotional hijacking. Simply showing certain emotions is not enough to make your audience feel what you are feeling. That is why Playing Actions is so important—you, the performer, must determine what performance choices will make your audience feel the specific emotion you want to evoke. 

Practice is key for successfully Playing Actions. As you use a solid rehearsal process to help you connect deeply with ideas and people, you’ll be able to craft a performance that makes your audience laugh, reflect, cry, applaud, or even dance—exactly when you want them to.  

Don’t emote, do this instead. 

Let’s say you speak about environmentalism and a section of your speech is packed with intense, startling data about climate change. On paper, that section might read as pretty frightening and intimidating. 

Now, as the speaker, you could double down and Play Actions that align with the scary, stark tone of that section. You might choose to terrify, to punish, and to scold your audience. However, you risk losing them—it might be too much to handle, and they might mentally check out, backing away from you and your ideas.  

Alternatively, you could choose to play other actions to evoke a softer emotional response in your audience. If you decide to soothe, to hold, to strengthen your audience, you might convey your message more effectively. Yes, your audience will hear the statistics about climate change, but their emotional experience within that section will provide them comfort and strength—bringing contrast. This empowers and connects them with your message and ideas, as opposed to pushing them away.  

Playing Actions will look different for every speaker. Playing Actions is both a practical and imaginative exercise—it’s not as tangible as many speakers would like. It’s something you have to try, on your feet, during rehearsal.

Be conscious of how you want your audience to feel at a given moment. It’s not necessarily just naming the tone of your speech, but rather, playing and testing what works for you and your message. 

Part of your rehearsal process is to get clear on what you want to make your audience feel at specific places in your speech, and to play around with the how—what actions you’ll play—to make them feel that. By trying, testing, and playing around to find the most effective ways to make your audience feel at any given moment of your speech, you will be able to change how they think, and therefore how they go out and act in the world. 

A Simple Trick for Feeling Comfortable Onstage

Emotion is the lifeblood of performance—but it’s not the performer’s emotions that are paramount, it’s the emotions they evoke in their audience. 

While it’s important to stay in touch with your emotions, onstage it’s much more beneficial to focus on the audience. When you focus primarily on your own emotions, your attention goes inward and you rarely reach the audience.

The key to an intensely moving performance is to focus outward, not inward. Not only will this help you connect deeply with the people you serve, it will also help you decrease stage fright and increase your confidence onstage. 

You see, when you focus entirely on what your audience is experiencing, feeling, and learning, you adopt an audience-first approach that takes much of the pressure off your shoulders. Why? Because focusing on others allows you to serve, teach, and help them more effectively. Focusing on yourself—what you’re feeling, what you have to say, and what people will think of you—is counterproductive. Instead of becoming a “better” speaker, often you end up feeling more nervous onstage and less able to achieve your end goal.

X Mark icon
Don't
focus on what you are feeling.
Check mark icon
Do
plan and prepare for your audience’s emotional experience.

Your Audience’s Emotional Experience 

Transformational speakers create a real and in-the-moment experience full of emotion, surprise, and insight. They don’t emote or expect their audience to mirror their emotions; rather, they play specific actions that evoke emotions in their audience. This makes their stories more moving, their call-to-action more inspirational, their signature bits more memorable, and their human connection more lasting. 

As you refine your delivery and performance by focusing on the emotions you provoke in your audience, you’ll create an engaging experience that resonates with them on a far deeper level—an emotional experience that moves them to act on your ideas. 

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“Thank you HEROIC for the most impactful two days I have ever experienced relative to impact through speaking. Your entire team helped me to think about reshaping my approach to emotional connection and the creative process of engagement and impact. I’m very excited to co-create on the GRAD journey!!”
Elizabeth Ross Holmstrom
Speaker & Founder of Mindful Employer

Most speakers think that to provoke emotion in their audience, they need to be vulnerable, honest, and empathic onstage. But they’re missing an essential part of onstage performance—role playing. 

In Part 3 of this article series, you’ll discover how roles you play as a speaker make your audience feel—and how to design the most effective role for you. 

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To increase your emotional impact onstage, it’s essential you avoid these two common mistakes—emoting and emotional hijacking. Simply showing certain emotions is not enough to make your audience feel what you are feeling. That is why Playing Actions is so important—you, the performer, must determine what performance choices will make your audience feel the specific emotion you want to evoke. 

Practice is key for successfully Playing Actions. As you use a solid rehearsal process to help you connect deeply with ideas and people, you’ll be able to craft a performance that makes your audience laugh, reflect, cry, applaud, or even dance—exactly when you want them to.  

Don’t emote, do this instead. 

Let’s say you speak about environmentalism and a section of your speech is packed with intense, startling data about climate change. On paper, that section might read as pretty frightening and intimidating. 

Now, as the speaker, you could double down and Play Actions that align with the scary, stark tone of that section. You might choose to terrify, to punish, and to scold your audience. However, you risk losing them—it might be too much to handle, and they might mentally check out, backing away from you and your ideas.  

Alternatively, you could choose to play other actions to evoke a softer emotional response in your audience. If you decide to soothe, to hold, to strengthen your audience, you might convey your message more effectively. Yes, your audience will hear the statistics about climate change, but their emotional experience within that section will provide them comfort and strength—bringing contrast. This empowers and connects them with your message and ideas, as opposed to pushing them away.  

Playing Actions will look different for every speaker. Playing Actions is both a practical and imaginative exercise—it’s not as tangible as many speakers would like. It’s something you have to try, on your feet, during rehearsal.

Be conscious of how you want your audience to feel at a given moment. It’s not necessarily just naming the tone of your speech, but rather, playing and testing what works for you and your message. 

Part of your rehearsal process is to get clear on what you want to make your audience feel at specific places in your speech, and to play around with the how—what actions you’ll play—to make them feel that. By trying, testing, and playing around to find the most effective ways to make your audience feel at any given moment of your speech, you will be able to change how they think, and therefore how they go out and act in the world. 

A Simple Trick for Feeling Comfortable Onstage

Emotion is the lifeblood of performance—but it’s not the performer’s emotions that are paramount, it’s the emotions they evoke in their audience. 

While it’s important to stay in touch with your emotions, onstage it’s much more beneficial to focus on the audience. When you focus primarily on your own emotions, your attention goes inward and you rarely reach the audience.

The key to an intensely moving performance is to focus outward, not inward. Not only will this help you connect deeply with the people you serve, it will also help you decrease stage fright and increase your confidence onstage. 

You see, when you focus entirely on what your audience is experiencing, feeling, and learning, you adopt an audience-first approach that takes much of the pressure off your shoulders. Why? Because focusing on others allows you to serve, teach, and help them more effectively. Focusing on yourself—what you’re feeling, what you have to say, and what people will think of you—is counterproductive. Instead of becoming a “better” speaker, often you end up feeling more nervous onstage and less able to achieve your end goal.

X Mark icon
Dont
focus on what you are feeling.
Check mark icon
Do
plan and prepare for your audience’s emotional experience.

Your Audience’s Emotional Experience 

Transformational speakers create a real and in-the-moment experience full of emotion, surprise, and insight. They don’t emote or expect their audience to mirror their emotions; rather, they play specific actions that evoke emotions in their audience. This makes their stories more moving, their call-to-action more inspirational, their signature bits more memorable, and their human connection more lasting. 

As you refine your delivery and performance by focusing on the emotions you provoke in your audience, you’ll create an engaging experience that resonates with them on a far deeper level—an emotional experience that moves them to act on your ideas. 

X Mark icon
Don't
Check mark icon
Do
“Thank you HEROIC for the most impactful two days I have ever experienced relative to impact through speaking. Your entire team helped me to think about reshaping my approach to emotional connection and the creative process of engagement and impact. I’m very excited to co-create on the GRAD journey!!”
Elizabeth Ross Holmstrom
,
Speaker & Founder of Mindful Employer

Most speakers think that to provoke emotion in their audience, they need to be vulnerable, honest, and empathic onstage. But they’re missing an essential part of onstage performance—role playing. 

In Part 3 of this article series, you’ll discover how roles you play as a speaker make your audience feel—and how to design the most effective role for you. 

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Don't
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Do
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Don't
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